Call of the Week

Yesterday, toward the end of the day, I received a call from a woman with an unknown weed growing in her hosta bed. She said it was tall, and she didn't know what it was, and wasn't sure if she should pull it out or not. Some plants are "healthy" plants. I didn't really know what that meant, but she went on to describe the weed. I told her it was difficult for me to identify weeds over the phone, but if she'd like to bring it in, I'd be happy to identify it for her. About 15 minutes later, she called back. She must have gone out and measured the weed, because she started rattling off the weed's dimensions- as if she had measured it for a wedding gown or something. It was x feet tall. The stem diameter was X inches. The leaves were x inches wide and their stems were x inches long. The list went on and on. When she finally finished, I once again explained that it was very difficult for me to identify weeds over the phone, despite her accurate measurements. I again offered that if she could bring a sample, I would identify it for her. Then she said, well, I don't want to touch it. I don't know what it is, and it might be toxic. We had some "mexicans" roof our house last fall and it could be a tropical plant they brought with them from Mexico. I explained that it was unlikely for several reasons, the least of which is that a tropical plant/seed most likely would not survive our winters. I went on to explain that seeds can find their way into unusual places a variety of ways - birds, wind, water, wildlife. I didn't even go into the fact that the "mexicans" were Americans who may or may not have been in Mexico recently- and certainly wouldn't be throwing seeds off her roof. It was obvious that she wasn't willing to touch the plant- for fear of imminent death if she did, so I offered to come look at the plant. As luck would have it, she lived on the outer reaches of the county near the county line, which would be 15 miles one way. I scheduled the appointment with her for the next morning, since the office was about ready to close and it was the opposite direction that I would be going to get home.

About that time, Sharon wandered in my office to share that when the woman called back, she had told her she would really prefer a man to answer her question. Sharon said we didn't have any of those in our office, and patched her back through to me. Sharon is the comic relief in our office. This did make my blood boil a little bit. And what's even more aggravating is when I get comments like this, it's usually a woman who makes them. Not to mention that when the male educators in my area get a weed they can't identify, they send it to me. It wasn't really what I wanted to hear, especially since I'd scheduled a visit to look at her mysterious Mexican tropical death weed.

So this morning, I asked God to please give me patience, lots and lots of patience... got in my car with my weed books, and headed on my way. When I got there, sure enough there was a giant weed in her hostas as I pulled in. I recognized it right away... I see it every time I open my "Weeds of the Northeast"- since it's on the title cover. I didn't need my book. I left it in the car. I greeted her, she once again gave me the story about how she didn't want to pull it if it was a healthy plant and could be of benefit to nature- but she was scared it might be toxic. I then explained that she didn't need to worry about that, that it was velvetleaf, a very common weed in gardens, crop fields, and sometimes flower beds and that it can indeed grow to be 6 to 8 feet tall. And if it were me, I would pull it, as not to let it go to seed in my flower bed.

I was tempted to also tell her that many farmers refer to this weed as "farmers friend" because in a pinch, it's large, heartshaped, velvety leaves can be used for toilet paper. I NEVER HAVE- but I'm sure it would work well if no other options are available. I guess that could be considered a "benefit to nature". Perhaps she'll have the opportunity to discover that on her own one day.

I'm sure the county will be happy to know they spent $14.10 in mileage (47 cents a mile for a 30 mile round trip) so that I could identify her velvetleaf for her.